Very interesting, indeed. There was another blogger at Feministe who transitioned and then later detransitioned. I can't remember her name anymore, but I think the word "pony" was in it. I think she was one of the first detransitioners I encountered in the wild, sometime before 2010, IIRC.
Was just listening to this in the car on the way home from Thanksgiving dinner...podcast ended talking about lack of male teachers and authority figures to rebel against. And as soon as the pod ended, the car reverted to the radio and Another Brick In the Wall happened to be playing. Was sort of a perfect end point, because back then Pink Floyd was singing about rebellion against the oppressive male teachers and headmasters... we don't need no education, we don't need no thought control. And it's not a female voice yelling "How can you have any pudding if you haven't had your meat!."
I shouldn't comment before I'm through the whole podcast, but my first set of jobs after I had to abandon my limp freelance 3D animator career for health insurance were call center jobs.
I know the "Did you really need that long in the bathroom?" speech.
Stopping and then restarting is what makes you rethink your whole life, lol. Like damn, I really just felt like that for so long thinking it was normal. Weed doesn't give me hangovers. I'm thankful for weed.
You guys are naturals! I especially liked the dating talk. I feel like I have a very autistic approach to dating so I always find it interesting to hear other women’s perspectives. Kate and I seem like complete opposites when it comes to that, but I feel like I’d have a lot to learn from her. And Lirpa, your voice is so nice and comforting, you sound like a young Demi Moore 🖤
I'm so interested in how other people date, because I feel like the way I did it before I got married was so different from so many of my friends and the way I'd hear about it in essays, etc. My approach (with a couple notable and usually disastrous exceptions) was to just date people after I got to know them in a more platonic way first.
Yeah, my "approach" was always sort of an outlier/minority one, but it's because there are a lot of facets of commonly perceived wisdom/intuition that I just don't believe and haven't found to be true. Idk if that's because everyone is wrong and for some reason holds on to ideas that aren't really true, or it's just that I'm weird (in whatever good or bad way you might want to spin that). But I have never found any of these "common sense" things to be true:
1. Sex and relationships are something that require maturity and age to handle. (From what I've seen, older adults handle new sexual experiences/relationships and rejection WAY WORSE than teenagers...often burning down their whole lives over it or taking a rejection incredibly hard as a life-destroying indictment of their whole being, etc., instead of just getting over it and moving on).
2. Men mostly just want sex and then don't want a relationship after, while women get emotionally attached (never found this to be remotely the case...almost all guys totally want/expect a relationship afterwards, and I always just assumed they would).
3. One should wait a long time and really get to know someone well and trust them/have a long-term foundation built with them before you get sexual, because otherwise, you risk being very hurt (this seems completely backwards to me...it will be WAYYYY more hurtful if things don't work out when you have a whole big relationship you've already invested a lot in, and being rejected by someone who likes everything about you but isn't into you sexually is also way more hurtful than being rejected by someone who is sexually into you but isn't compatible with a personality facet).
So I guess my way has been different just because the underlying premises that seem to shape most people's strategy never seemed right to me. The relationship part always seemed easy peasy...the mutually attracted and sexually compatible piece always seemed like a much bigger hurdle, so I worried more about that part.
Lirpa, I saw that you liked my note so out of curiosity I checked out your publication. I love how you two manage to make the everyday seem absurdly profound! It's like finding out the post office has a role in ruining democracy. The bit about pleated Dockers - that’s comedy gold!! I can almost hear the fabric groaning under the weight of bad decisions. I love what I'm seeing. I'm a fan and subscribed, naturally!
Oh man, I'm scared to listen! Be nice everyone, we tried. :)
Enjoying it so far: good chemistry and funny/relatable: "rainy day" podcast vibes
Really enjoyed this conversation.
OMG. This is probably dangerously close to self-doxing but I used be in the same friend circles as Jude’s husband like 10-15 years ago.
Wow! And now I finally remember Jude's last name (Doyle). Small world!
Yep! It’s very interesting how several of the most outspoken feminist bloggers from back then later came out as trans or nonbinary.
Very interesting, indeed. There was another blogger at Feministe who transitioned and then later detransitioned. I can't remember her name anymore, but I think the word "pony" was in it. I think she was one of the first detransitioners I encountered in the wild, sometime before 2010, IIRC.
Was just listening to this in the car on the way home from Thanksgiving dinner...podcast ended talking about lack of male teachers and authority figures to rebel against. And as soon as the pod ended, the car reverted to the radio and Another Brick In the Wall happened to be playing. Was sort of a perfect end point, because back then Pink Floyd was singing about rebellion against the oppressive male teachers and headmasters... we don't need no education, we don't need no thought control. And it's not a female voice yelling "How can you have any pudding if you haven't had your meat!."
That's so perfect 👌
I shouldn't comment before I'm through the whole podcast, but my first set of jobs after I had to abandon my limp freelance 3D animator career for health insurance were call center jobs.
I know the "Did you really need that long in the bathroom?" speech.
Call center type jobs were singularly responsible for my socialist/borderline full Soviet communist phase of life.
The Wells Fargo call center is entirely responsible for my early-20s radicalization.
Lirpa nailed my theory of hangover tolerance, not realizing you’re hungover all the time so if you never stop, you never realize it.
Stopping and then restarting is what makes you rethink your whole life, lol. Like damn, I really just felt like that for so long thinking it was normal. Weed doesn't give me hangovers. I'm thankful for weed.
You guys are naturals! I especially liked the dating talk. I feel like I have a very autistic approach to dating so I always find it interesting to hear other women’s perspectives. Kate and I seem like complete opposites when it comes to that, but I feel like I’d have a lot to learn from her. And Lirpa, your voice is so nice and comforting, you sound like a young Demi Moore 🖤
Thank you!
I'm so interested in how other people date, because I feel like the way I did it before I got married was so different from so many of my friends and the way I'd hear about it in essays, etc. My approach (with a couple notable and usually disastrous exceptions) was to just date people after I got to know them in a more platonic way first.
Yeah, my "approach" was always sort of an outlier/minority one, but it's because there are a lot of facets of commonly perceived wisdom/intuition that I just don't believe and haven't found to be true. Idk if that's because everyone is wrong and for some reason holds on to ideas that aren't really true, or it's just that I'm weird (in whatever good or bad way you might want to spin that). But I have never found any of these "common sense" things to be true:
1. Sex and relationships are something that require maturity and age to handle. (From what I've seen, older adults handle new sexual experiences/relationships and rejection WAY WORSE than teenagers...often burning down their whole lives over it or taking a rejection incredibly hard as a life-destroying indictment of their whole being, etc., instead of just getting over it and moving on).
2. Men mostly just want sex and then don't want a relationship after, while women get emotionally attached (never found this to be remotely the case...almost all guys totally want/expect a relationship afterwards, and I always just assumed they would).
3. One should wait a long time and really get to know someone well and trust them/have a long-term foundation built with them before you get sexual, because otherwise, you risk being very hurt (this seems completely backwards to me...it will be WAYYYY more hurtful if things don't work out when you have a whole big relationship you've already invested a lot in, and being rejected by someone who likes everything about you but isn't into you sexually is also way more hurtful than being rejected by someone who is sexually into you but isn't compatible with a personality facet).
So I guess my way has been different just because the underlying premises that seem to shape most people's strategy never seemed right to me. The relationship part always seemed easy peasy...the mutually attracted and sexually compatible piece always seemed like a much bigger hurdle, so I worried more about that part.
Lirpa, I saw that you liked my note so out of curiosity I checked out your publication. I love how you two manage to make the everyday seem absurdly profound! It's like finding out the post office has a role in ruining democracy. The bit about pleated Dockers - that’s comedy gold!! I can almost hear the fabric groaning under the weight of bad decisions. I love what I'm seeing. I'm a fan and subscribed, naturally!
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! 😁
Im making notes as I listen.
On ageing as a woman, Wait till your 53...
I got married at 25 but was so off the rails before that Im good on the Crisis's. Im still recovering.
My system was Bang and then ask the Girl to Marry me within the week. It only had to work once. Will add more :) GREAT JOB :)
That sounds like an amazing title for a self-help/relationship advice book lol. Bang and Ask Her To Marry You.
That was my system. You would be surprised how it didn’t go down very well with 19 year olds in 1999…