I remember reading that Julian Assange was on OkCupid before he got arrested. It's a shame you didn't get to exchange messages with him. What a story that would have been!
Not really at the time, looking back. I wasn't really sad to turn 30. I think it was more circumstantial than anything (I worked with a lot of people in this age range at the time), and then I just went with it because it was fun and I was freshly single.
Is anyone else at all concerned about the fact that bottom-left 2005 Lirpa is clearly Jennifer Jason Leigh, and that the plot of Single White Female was therefore presumably happening to Lirpa in real life at this time?
No? Okay, me neither then. Fun piece, Lirpa! I miss OKCupid too!
That's so funny because I just googled her and saw that that movie also contains Bridget Fonda, who was like the #1 celebrity I was told I looked like in the early 00s. I never have heard JJL until now, though!
For me OKCupid was like a great way to meet a guy who was a 99.5% match on literally all 900 questions I'd answered and we had the same opinions and likes and dislikes and omg so perfect! ...and then you meet up in person and there's zero chemistry lol. Probably would've worked great as a platonic friend finder, I bet.
Maybe not though. Might just be that there's no sort of necessary erotic friction/tension if your brains and personalities are too alike. You can't just sit there infinity agreeing with each other about everything, right?
I don't know. My parents were pretty similar and they're still together.
Looking back, it's more that I did better with people in the 85% range than the 95% range--I never met my cross-sex twin.
I think it's also more that real female nerds have so many guys after them it's harder to stand out. Also, if I was really excited about the date, I tended to do less well because I looked more nervous (I think). Being judged on your self-confidence is very difficult because it can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy (of course, it works the other way too--if you're confident to begin with it becomes self-reinforcing).
Well, these things are true. I went out with some guys where we'd matched at 99% plus and then in person they were almost visibly shaking because they were so nervous, which obviously was a huge turn off. I think seeming too "perfect" and chatting too much in advance made for worse dates because expectations were too high. I had better luck when stakes were lower and we knew less about each other before meeting.
"OKCupid had the same problem women always complain about, of course, which was an influx of low-effort, wide-net-casting DMs which made clear that the bio you spent so long carefully crafting was not so much as glanced at even once by many of their senders. I still don’t get it. Wouldn't you assume that someone with a long, detailed bio is going to prefer talking to someone who's interested in reading it? Why waste your time? You're clearly not looking for the same thing. People make confusing choices."
Back in the day OKC actually had a blog post explaining that short messages are the optimal strategy for guys:
I suppose a short message can still demonstrate that you read the bio though.
Anyway, I always assumed it was a race-to-the-bottom sort of thing. Since women are getting so many messages, a detailed and thoughtful message will just get lost in the deluge. And some female profiles aren't very active -- if she won't even see it, the time you spent composing it is wasted.
I imagine there are clever ways that dating platforms could address these problems, they just aren't incentivized to.
I remember reading that Julian Assange was on OkCupid before he got arrested. It's a shame you didn't get to exchange messages with him. What a story that would have been!
I saw his profile, and Eliezer Yudkowsky's, and Scott Alexander's. I wish I'd taken snapshots.
Please explain baby cougar
😂 I say "baby" because I was only 30/31, but for whatever reason every dude I seemed to have a passing interest in during that time was like 22 or 23
That feels like some sort of a red flag. Was there a fear of growing older?
Not really at the time, looking back. I wasn't really sad to turn 30. I think it was more circumstantial than anything (I worked with a lot of people in this age range at the time), and then I just went with it because it was fun and I was freshly single.
You could still go cougar it up but your current squeeze might have something to say about it
Yeah, I think he'd probably disapprove lol
Is anyone else at all concerned about the fact that bottom-left 2005 Lirpa is clearly Jennifer Jason Leigh, and that the plot of Single White Female was therefore presumably happening to Lirpa in real life at this time?
No? Okay, me neither then. Fun piece, Lirpa! I miss OKCupid too!
That's so funny because I just googled her and saw that that movie also contains Bridget Fonda, who was like the #1 celebrity I was told I looked like in the early 00s. I never have heard JJL until now, though!
The movie is about JJL impersonating Bridget Fonda, so that tracks!
I highly recommend it as ’90s femme-fatale trash to be watched with cocktails! A stiletto heel is used as a murder weapon!
(There’s also a really good movie where JJL plays Dorothy Parker, called Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle, if you’re a Dorothy Parker fan.)
For me OKCupid was like a great way to meet a guy who was a 99.5% match on literally all 900 questions I'd answered and we had the same opinions and likes and dislikes and omg so perfect! ...and then you meet up in person and there's zero chemistry lol. Probably would've worked great as a platonic friend finder, I bet.
Aside from hooking up with that dude exactly once two years after the initial meeting, that's pretty much what it turned into for me, lol
That happened to me too, but usually I blamed myself after the fact for not having enough game. I might have even been right.
Maybe not though. Might just be that there's no sort of necessary erotic friction/tension if your brains and personalities are too alike. You can't just sit there infinity agreeing with each other about everything, right?
I don't know. My parents were pretty similar and they're still together.
Looking back, it's more that I did better with people in the 85% range than the 95% range--I never met my cross-sex twin.
I think it's also more that real female nerds have so many guys after them it's harder to stand out. Also, if I was really excited about the date, I tended to do less well because I looked more nervous (I think). Being judged on your self-confidence is very difficult because it can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy (of course, it works the other way too--if you're confident to begin with it becomes self-reinforcing).
Well, these things are true. I went out with some guys where we'd matched at 99% plus and then in person they were almost visibly shaking because they were so nervous, which obviously was a huge turn off. I think seeming too "perfect" and chatting too much in advance made for worse dates because expectations were too high. I had better luck when stakes were lower and we knew less about each other before meeting.
Kate fly that kite
Wonderful piece. According to your friend, I sound like your perfect match. Ha!
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DIRqFbYqN0B/?igsh=MXhueWdtdWVlaWh2OQ==
"OKCupid had the same problem women always complain about, of course, which was an influx of low-effort, wide-net-casting DMs which made clear that the bio you spent so long carefully crafting was not so much as glanced at even once by many of their senders. I still don’t get it. Wouldn't you assume that someone with a long, detailed bio is going to prefer talking to someone who's interested in reading it? Why waste your time? You're clearly not looking for the same thing. People make confusing choices."
Back in the day OKC actually had a blog post explaining that short messages are the optimal strategy for guys:
https://theblog.okcupid.com/online-dating-advice-optimum-message-length-8a2887c3d6ca
I suppose a short message can still demonstrate that you read the bio though.
Anyway, I always assumed it was a race-to-the-bottom sort of thing. Since women are getting so many messages, a detailed and thoughtful message will just get lost in the deluge. And some female profiles aren't very active -- if she won't even see it, the time you spent composing it is wasted.
I imagine there are clever ways that dating platforms could address these problems, they just aren't incentivized to.