Speak for me

I'd like someone else to say it

It seems I’ve been addicted to the torment of heartbreak, of self-sabotage, and of punishing myself for various crimes of a social and romantic nature since I was old enough to know what they were.

07.29.2004
he went to bed without saying goodnight, without even saying he was going to bed. he left me upstairs by myself to wallow in my high school past while watching teenage drama on TV and now i have big words and dramatic exits stuck in my head. i don't feel the passion anymore. i don't feel like i have something to feel anymore.

everyone needs a moderate dosage of heartbreak every so often and i haven't had a good helping in far too long so i go out in search of it and it lies before me, unmasked and with bloodshot eyes.

there's nothing left to feel angry about other than my own selfish stupidity and loathing for everything i no longer have and that will never be enough to satisfy. i'd walk to the gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes but there's no one to smoke them with yet i'm drinking alone in this stuffy room listening to good music on shitty speakers. there are 18 books in here with different kinds of handwriting all written by the same person and 1,060 journal entries in the span of 2 and a half years. 

i don't know what it is that needs to be said but i'd like someone else to say it.

there aren’t even lyrics for tonight, just a stolen song on repeat and clicking of a keyboard that's trying to speak for me

Maybe it should be today
An expose, as they say
Maybe a story
A tell-all in its glory
To say why I drifted away

“you can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming”

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